James' Heroine
by The Silent Rain
Summary: After Lily leaves James behind, will he ever be able to find room in his heart to forgive her? Songfic to Hero/Heroine, by Boys Like Girls. Please R&R!


_(A/N: Don't expect this to be great. It's the middle of a weeknight, I have school tomorrow, and I can't sleep. Heck, I can never sleep, but whatever. This is a songfic to Hero/Heroine by Boys Like Girls. Though I think this could have been better, oh well. Please overlook any spelling errors. My parents are probably going to find out that I'm on this any minute! Please review for this!_

_Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER ISN'T MINE!!!! Thank you and have a nice day! Night. Early morning. You know what I mean...)_

**James' Heroine**

_It's too late baby, there's no turning around  
I've got my hands in my pocket and my head in a cloud  
This is how I do  
When I think about you  
I never thought that you could break me apart  
I keep a sinister smile and a hole in my heart  
You want to get inside  
Then you can get in line  
But not this time  
_

James Potter was sitting alone beneath a beech tree facing the lake at sunset on the Hogwarts grounds. He was wearing a pensive expression and was apparently in deep thought.

_Lily. The sweetest poison. The anti-drug and anesthetic of my mind, except I've run out. _

_Flashback One Day Previously_

_Lily and James were returning from a Head's meeting on the seventh floor when they heard footsteps, dejected murmuring, and loud meows._

_"Crap, it's Filch and that bloody brat of a feline. The idiot wouldn't understand the purpose of something called a 'meeting,' would he?" muttered James aggravatedly. "Come on, Lil, follow me." Hand in hand they took off at a run down the hall._

_"In here," whispered James, pulling her into a broom closet. It felt extremely awkward, in spite of the fact that the two had been getting along wonderfully and had become good friends since the start of their seventh year. _

_"But--"_

_"But, nothing. This or detention with that wanker?" So, Lily reluctantly followed him in._

_After a few minutes, the footsteps faded off into the distance, and it seemed safe to leave. Though their faces were very close together. Slowly, James closed the distance._

_Lily didn't respond for a split second, lingering in shock. She almost immediately got over it, kissing him back feverishly. Before she knew what she was doing, she had her hands in his hair and his arms were around her neck. He slipped his tongue between her lips, still never breaking the kiss. Lily responded by kissing him harder, running her hands farther through his soft hair. When she felt a light tugging at the hem of her shirt, however, she felt a call to her senses. _

_What am I doing? Lily thought to herself._

_Quickly, she broke the kiss. "I'm sorry, James, but this can't be real," Lily said, a look of regret crossing her face. "I should never have done that. That was wrong of me to lead you on."_

_In the sliver of moonlight coming through a small window, Lily could see a sinister, sad smile emerge on his face. "And I was wrong to think that could mean a thing. See you around." With that, he walked out slowly, the look still on his face, his hands in his pockets._

_Return to Present (James POV)_

How could I ever have done that? If I hadn't done that, there wouldn't be a gigantic, gaping hole in my heart where Lily used to be. She used to be my blue heaven, my drug and safe place. But, she kissed me back. It _had_ to have meant something to her. Or maybe she really_ had _just been leading me on, like she said she wished I didn't do. Who could ever believe that someone as sweet and gentle as she is could break me down like this?

I let a single tear slide down my face before wiping it away fiercely. Quidditch players don't cry. Popular boys don't cry. So why am I?

_Cause you caught me off guard  
Now I'm running and screaming _

I feel like a hero and you are my heroine

I won't try to philosophize  
I'll just take a deep breath and I'll look in your eyes  
This is how I feel  
And its so surreal  
I got a closet filled up to the brim  
With the ghosts of my past and their skeletons  
And I don't know why  
You'd even try  
But I won't lie

I wonder if she knew that I hadn't even been expecting to do what I did. Had I been planning to kiss her? Hell, no. I mean, I sort of decided it on the spur-of-the-moment. But she kissed back. And that was pure heaven. In my mind, the only thing I could see was her beautiful face. I still see it now, swimming before my eyes. I felt amazing, like the world was in the palm of my hand. Like I was saving her: or was she saving me?

I admit it, I don't even want to try and figure this all out. It is beyond the extent of confusing. _Girls' Minds, Deciphered_. What a good book that would be. Why doesn't somone write it already? Guys like me could use it, especially right now. I'm living in surrealism. Heck, my life at the moment is the _definition_ of surrealism!

Why doesn't she seem to care? Maybe it's because of everything weird about me. Everything that I poured out to her that only the Marauders know. Everything that the public doesn't know, which is, undeniably, a considerable amount. I have no clue. No understanding. Nothing whatsoever. Damn it all to hell!

_You caught me off guard  
Now I'm running and screaming _

I feel like a hero and you are my heroine  
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?

And I feel a weakness coming on  
Never felt so good to be so wrong  
Had my heart on lock-down

I'm assuming that I said the last part out loud, because I heard a female voice behind me say, "Woah!" I jumped up and whirled around, a flash of dark, rich red catching my eye.

"Oh. It's you." I said with a distinctive trace of venom in my voice.

"Just want to say that I'm--"

"Do you think I really care what you have to say, Evans?" I interrupted sharply. "All I know is that I don't mean a thing to you, and if that's true, you don't mean a thing to me. I have been after you for years. You hated me, whereas I fancied you. The classic love story, they all said. This year, you seem to change your mind about me. Apparently you haven't, made quite obvious after this. What could ever bring you to be so harsh about it? If you didn't want me kissing you, you could have broken it off before I believed that you were even enjoying it! Lo--loving you is the sweetest, most beautiful sin I have and will ever commit." My voice cracked towards the end. Did I really say that out loud? Crap. I obviously have, and it obviously wasn't a good idea, by the traumatized look on her face.

She opened her mouth to speak again, but I cut her off again, saying, "It doesn't matter to you, and I don't want or need your pity."

"But...I...I love you, too."

If I had been standing, I am sure I would have collapsed where I stood. What did she just say?

"Huh?"

"I love you, James." Her voice was soft her eyes demure with sadness that ran deep. "I'm sorry that I made you feel how I did. Really, truly, I am."

To think that before she came here I was planning to never love again. Wait. Does she really mean it?

As if taking the words right out of my mind, she put both her hands behind my head, leaned forward, and pulled me into a kiss. Did I say that the other time in the broom closet was pure heaven? Right. Well. This is pure heaven, pure bliss, and pure happiness all thrown into one!

_And then you turned me around  
And I'm feeling like a new born child  
Every time I get a chance to see you smile  
It's not complicated  
I was so jaded_

This isn't a dream, is it?

No. Apparently it isn't. If you pinch yourself as part of the dream, do you wake up? Because if this is a dream, by God I hope I never wake up.

Whenever I see her smile, everything unfolds, right in front of me. This is the world, an ocean right in front of me. Her beautiful smile, a window to her soul and to her emotions. I can't believe that I was willing to give this up for a world of solitariness. A world without Lily. That would be an impossible survival.

We sat next to each other beneath the beech tree and watched the rest of the sunset together, her head on my chest.

"I love you, Lily."

"And I love you too, James. Now and forever."

_(A/N: That was ok, I guess. Considering that it's 12:05 AM and I have to get up for school tomorrow. Well, technicall in 5 hours and 55 minutes from now, but whatever. Please review!)_


End file.
